The Easy Kill
by justlikeyou
Summary: Songfic to Jimmy Eat World’s “Kill”. As Spencer struggles with her blossoming feelings for Ashley, she quietly watches her from a far…eventually admitting more than she bargained for.


A/N: First Spashley fic, and also first songfic—so go easy on me. I'd love feedback and reviews  Oh and don't own, don't sue. SON belongs to Tom Lynch.

Summary: Songfic to Jimmy Eat World's "Kill". As Spencer struggles with her blossoming feelings for Ashley, she quietly watches her from a far…eventually admitting more than she bargained for.

**The Easy Kill**

By Justlikeyou

Change. It isn't always a horrible thing, in fact—sometimes changes trigger amazing things. Things you don't always expect. Like Ashley, for instance…

I met Ashley only a few months ago when I moved to California, and instantly I was attracted to her—not just her physical beauty, but her inside beauty, also. Ashley didn't let people in easily. Privileged as I was, she allowed me access into her heart, into her soul. It surprised me at how close we had become in such a short period of time. She brought out something in me that no one had ever brought out in me. Truth be told, it scared me. Hopefully, my love for Ashley could overpower my tremendous fear…

My thoughts were soon interrupted by my brother, Clay's, voice letting me know that it was time to start yet another school day. I sighed, hastily placing my books into my bag and slinging it over my back. Glen was driving today, which was surprising since he had been taking Madison to school lately. I didn't question it, as I looked out the window distantly.

Once arriving at school, I quickly spotted Ashley sitting on one of the benches outside of our campus, listening to her iPod quietly. Her face was soft, yet had a look of concentration as she listened to the flowing notes of the music.

"Spence, you coming?" Glen asked, turning off the ignition and getting out of the car, followed by Clay as they stared at me in confusion. I turned bright red and fumbled a little with my jacket.

"Yeah, just a sec." I replied, gathering myself together and getting out. Glen rolled his eyes as I attempted to compose myself. Clay soon found Sean as they went their separate ways.

Glen locked the car and glanced at me, raising an eyebrow. He shrugged it off and walked in the direction of the gym, for morning workouts. I, however, just leaned against the hood of his car, quietly watching Ashley.

_Well, you're just across the street  
Looks a mile to my feet  
I want to go to you_

I fight the urge to go over to her, because her beauty is stunning me slowly. Butterflies seem to flutter around in my stomach as I'm routed to my place on the pavement. I'm sure many people are looking at me curiously, but I don't care. I'm happy just watching her.

_Funny how I'm nervous still  
I've always been the easy kill  
I guess I always will_

She must've felt my eyes on her, because her head snaps up and she's staring into me. It's almost like she knows what I'm feeling, what I'm seeing when I look at her. She smiles and that's my cue to go over to her. I smooth my skirt one last time and take a deep breath, walking up to her and sitting next to her on the bench.

"Hey," She smiles, taking one earphone out and letting it hang.

"Hey, what're you listening to?" I ask, casually enough. I lean closer to her, my arm brushing against hers' ever so slightly. She just beams and hands me the other earphone…Jimmy Eat World. I close my eyes, listening to the song—one I've heard many times.

_Could it be that everything goes 'round by chance? (chance?)  
Or only one way that it was always meant to be (be)_

"Cute skirt." She noted, glancing at my legs briefly, sending a blush into my cheeks. She knows exactly how to make me feel beautiful with just a simple gesture.

"Thanks." is all I manage to respond with as she gives me her signature grin. Turning back to the iPod, we continue to listen to a few more songs. Time passes, and we don't notice envious onlookers. We don't care.

_You kill me, you always know the perfect thing to say (hey hey, hey hey)  
I know what I should do, but I just can't walk away_

The bell rings, and I don't want to break contact with her altogether. She seems to feel the same, as a frown plays across her features. I sigh and remove my hand from where it rested on my lap, gently brushing hers' again.

"I'll see you later," She leans in close and whispers huskily. "Have fun without me." She smirks and gets up, grabbing her bag and walking off. I'm left sitting there, dumbfounded. Like _I_ was going to have fun without Ashley.

I get up and head to first period, Ashley's face coming in and out of my mind as the teacher lectured us on the importance of our ozone layer. I couldn't ever focus anymore, since Ashley had entered my life. But that wasn't necessarily a bad thing. As the bell ended first period, I sigh in relief at the prospect of getting to see her once more. I scan the halls, looking for familiar chocolate curls. Panic rushes through me when I don't see her…

_I can picture your face well  
From the bar in my hotel  
I wish I'd go to you  
I pick up put down the phone  
Like your favorite Heatmeiser song goes  
It's just like being alone_

Refreshing, soft hands cover my eyes and her scent infuses my senses. I can't help but grin, placing my hands on top of hers' and removing them from my eyes.

"I just can't fool you." She whispers, from behind. Her body backs up from mine as I turn to face her. Her flowery scent gave her away, though I doubt she knows.

"Of course not…I know you too well, Ash." I manage to reply, my eyes locking with hers' for the hundredth time today. We make some idle conversation, until we have to part once more. Heaving sighs, I walk off. This is how the day ensues. Each time I see her, my stomach flutters. I realize what I have to do.

_Oh God, please don't tell me this has been in vain (vain)  
I need answers for what all the waiting I've done means (means)  
You kill me, you've got some nerve, but can't face your mistakes (hey hey, hey hey)  
I know what I should do, but I just can't turn away_

Once the last bell rings, a sea of students flow out in every direction. Glen offers me a ride home, but I decline—for I have the ideal ride with Ashley. Besides, this is just the right time to tell her…but I can't help but feel nervous. Scared, even.

We finally spot each other and head to her car, getting in. My mother was never fond of Ashley, but did that matter? Not one bit. Ashley always gave me rides to home, or to her house—but lately, mom's been more suspicious of our relationship. I look out the window lazily, the beach in the background of all the cars on the freeway. Ashley must've been noticing my fascination with the waves, because she pulls up to a public beach and parks.

"What're you doing?" I ask, excitement flowing in my veins. She just grins and gets out, leaving me to follow her lead once again.

The waves crash against the shore, and inside—my emotions feel the same way. Swirled around, breaking down. I don't even notice as Ashley plops down onto the warm sand, and is smiling at me. My chest tightens and I smooth my skirt before sitting beside her.

_So go on love  
Leave while there's still hope for escape  
Got to take what you can these days_

Her eyes are closed, letting the sea air rush around her. I can't help but bask in her beauty once more. Then a familiar voice rings in my mind, my mother's. She used to tell me that being homosexual was a sin—and the way the word "homosexual" rolled off her tongue made me want to shrivel up and die. That's where the fear sets in. Every time. Should I just take the plunge?

_There's so much ahead  
So much regret_

With one swift movement, Ashley's eyes flicker open and she turns to me, a smile playing across her soft lips. My breath catches in my throat, and she speaks.

"You know, I can feel your eyes on me." And with those words, my heart skips a beat a little.

"Sorry," I quickly mumble…though I want to say something so much more.

"No don't be sorry," She quickly replies, smile broadened slightly. "You know I love—" She stops short, switching her glance to the crashing waves. My heart falls a bit.

_I know what you want to say  
(Know what you want to say)  
I know it but can't help feeling differently _

Maybe it would've been easier if she would have said it first. I know we feel it, want it, need it. But can we ever have it? So I give it a shot, despite my desperate fear that seems to sink through me. My voice wants to quiver, as I break the now awkward silence.

"Ashley…" I begin, surprised at my now evidently steadying voice. She looks up, eyes completely focused on me. That's when I break, because there's a look of vulnerability in her eyes. "I…you're a really good friend to me. You know that right?" And with that, her features soften, and I know she expected more. Believe me, Ash, I did too…

_I loved you, and I should have said it  
But tell me just what has it ever meant_

She simply nods and replies softly, "I know. The feeling's pretty mutual, Spence." But I can't help but find a double meaning in her words. I can't help_ wanting _to find a double meaning to her words.

_I can't help it baby, this is who I am (am)  
Sorry, but I can't just go turn off how I feel (feel)  
You kill me, you build me up, but just to watch me break (hey hey, hey hey)  
I know what I should do, but I just can't walk away_

We bury our thoughts in our surroundings, before heading back to the blaring lights of downtown L.A. When the car pulls up to my driveway, I inhale deeply and look towards the light emitting from our living room. Turning to Ashley one last time, we lock eyes. In that brief moment, I believe she knows. She knows my fear. She knows I love her. When I get out of the car, I linger next to the window and stare at her. She unbuckles her seatbelt, slides over to the passenger seat that I was just in, and plants a chaste kiss on my lips. Now I'm definitely sure. She knows…and she feels it too.


End file.
